Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
