chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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