this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
