I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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