Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
