I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
