she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
