Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
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You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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