what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what day is it and did you see me today?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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