Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think a kid would responsible me up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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