Where did you get a picture of my penis
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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