so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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