I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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