Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
