i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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