It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
