Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
