my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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