Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
