what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
