Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
