just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
