so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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