Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
