So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
