maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
