my vag is so smooth its legendary
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
