Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
