Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
