Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
