I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
