can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
