I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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