I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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