dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
