don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I did not marry a roomba.
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