she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
this hospital has no fireball
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
