how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
