last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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