I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
