If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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