I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
