can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
