his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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