yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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