can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
