I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize