Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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