I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Someone shattered a urinal.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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