do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
