I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
