I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
