I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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