Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
