Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize