Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize