Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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